Whoever invented the sandwich had it all wrong. The meat should be on the outside, and there should be no bread. The sandwich should just be the KFC Double Down.This is, indeed, the greatest innovation since sliced bread. (Take note, McDonald’s, I want to see a sandwich with something delicious between two burgers. Just skip the bread — Atkins at least had that much right.)First, to start the story, I was driving home with the Double Down nestled in its brown paper bag, patiently waiting next to me. And what song would come up on my totally random iPod shuffle but Morrissey’s “You’re the One for Me, Fatty.” No joke. This must be fate, the meeting of this 540-calorie sandwich and I.One bite in, I eeked out an elated “aahhhh” that would have been embarrassing in public. Yeah, it’s that good. What makes the Double Down work is, first and foremost, KFC’s thick, juicy, premium chicken — and that’s a huge compliment coming from a farm girl who was raised on meat that previously had a face and lived in our field. But chicken is, after all, the bulk of this beast of a sandwich. You have to engage snake-like expandable jaws to sink your teeth into that stack of white meat that just falls apart in your mouth. Ah man, I’m getting hungry again thinking about it…even though my belly is still plenty full after 5 hours.

To offset the juiciness, there’s the crispy fried crust of the chicken and the crispy strips of bacon tucked in between — though those were really more floppy, greasy, delicious fat than anything. Then there’s the cheese, the spicy slices of creamy Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese melting out of the sides of the sandwich and oozing out tangy, orange Colonel’s Sauce. To quote Jess on foodgeekery.com, I don’t know what’s in the sauce, but it’s a party in my mouth… and, subsequently, in my tummy. I’ll admit, I tore open the wrapper so I could lick off every last drip of sauce and melted cheese. I’m not ashamed to say it.

As in any gourmet concoction, it’s the amalgamation of flavors that makes the dish. It’s the subtle seasoning in the chicken breading accented succinctly with the spice of the cheese and the tang of the sauce. Overall, it’s mouth-wateringly delectable. Sure, maybe part of the enjoyment is knowing I’m devouring a day’s worth of salt in one sandwich, or feeling my stomach expand as my arteries choke up a little bit. Part of the reason bad food tastes so good is not just because it’s good, but because you know it’s bad. And the Double Down is both of these things.

So congratulations on the innovatively delicious Double Down, KFC. I would have given it two thumbs up if the use of both hands wasn’t necessary for hauling the sandwich up to my drooling mouth.

And yes, I did work out afterwards — though I’m not sure if I waited long enough after binging. Now, I won’t feel bad about some ice cream for dessert…